Today I purchased two bags of your "Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix" which promised "HOMEMADE Cookies in 20 MINUTES!" That sounded like just the thing, as I knew I wouldn't have a lot of time for baking stuff tonight. (Also: I was planning on taking them to work for treat day, and there's no way I'm putting in more than 20 minutes on those people!) But what really sold me on this cookie mix was the promise of "OVER 350 CHIPS INSIDE!"
[Big globs are 50 chips each. Small blobs across center are 5 chips each. Total? 330.]Betty, where are the other 5.98% of the chips? If I take these under-chipped cookies in to treat day, people will scoff at them! Treat day will be ruined! And people will talk about me and my low-chip-count cookies -- in front of my back, even! -- for the rest of my working days.
So, Betty, was I just unlucky to have gotten the one bag of cookie mix that was short on chips? Or was I purposely misled into buying this product, just to make me look the fool? Or is this a more wide-spread plot to defraud the general public of their chips? Or is it possibly something even more sinister?
*gasp!*
Are the extra chips being used to fund terrorism??
Please tell me -- what's going on? How come my chips were short?
Sincerely,
Green Floppy
PS: I hope it's okay that I called you Betty. I've been using your products for so many years, that I feel like I know you on a first-name basis!
2 comments:
Oh...my..God...you...actually...counted...
each...chip!!!!
Hey, what's with Betty? She's a liar! AND a thief!! I hope your work friends still like you after this.
Just think what an extra 5.98% in chocolately chips means to her? The airlines cut down on the number of olives they put in their dinners and saved, get this, $40,000.00 in 1987 alone! Just by cutting back on ONE measly olive per meal!!
Betty is rolling in the dough - and that isn't even figuratively!! Which is how she even LOST her figure!! Go figure!
The plot is thickening like the frosting on her cakes! Could it be, that she plans on shipping her extra 5.98% extra chocolate chips overseas to a country like Germany - where NOT ONE STORE currently sells a full-sized chocolate chip!? It seems to be the trend nowadays to mimic everything in the USA - their music, speech, tennis shoes as daily fashion, tee vee shows such as American Idol, bbq ribs, and Hooters Girls!! It's probably a plot with the government to sell these chips to Germany in exchange for something Betty has always wanted -- the secret recipe for the beloved Lebkuchen!!!!
Betty, Betty, Betty, what have you done to your name? Can we ever trust you again?
Oh, it would be Just. Like. Her. to want to trade chips for the Lebkuchen recipe! That Betty can be so devious!
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