Peanut Butter, eh?

Green Floppy would like to know why Kraft does not make this most delicious peanut butter and chocolate stuff available in the U S of A. It's peanut butter. And chocolate. Together! How could that NOT be a big seller??

Look at how smooooooooooth and chocolatey it is!

Why, Kraft? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Whew!

Ahhhhhhhhhh....

This is muuuuuch better.

Error! Error!!

OMG, STRAWBERRY?!

OMG!!!!!!


What have I doooonnnnnnnneeeee?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Braidzels!

These are braided pretzels, but they have a dumb name. "Spinzels"? What's the spin part for? Why not call them Braidzels instead??

Mechanical failure, my green arse!

Betty finally responded to my letter complaining about her cookie mix pouch and the BALD FACE LIES it told me. Well,actually, it was not Betty heself who answered, but one of her lackeys instead. Anyway, here's what Not Betty wrote:

Dear Green Floppy:

Thank you for contacting General Mills about the problem you had with Betty Crocker cookie mix. As a responsible manufacturer, we strive to produce high quality products. We are sorry your experience did not meet the standards we expect from our products.

Our packaging equipment is designed to ensure that all ingredients are combined in correct proportions. It's possible that a mechanical failure was responsible for the condition you've described. We appreciate that you have taken the time to notify us and will review the information you provided with the product team.

We regret any inconvenience this has caused and hope you will continue to use and enjoy our products.

Sincerely,
Not Betty Crocker

She also included three coupons!

1. $1 off one package of General Mills food product (Big G Cereal products, Betty Crocker Products, Bugles, Chex Mix, Gold Medal Flour, Nature Valley granola and Pop Secret. Not good on twin or triple pack cereals.)


2. FREE one package of Betty Crocker pouch mix. (Includes Betty Crocker pouch mixes, cookie pouch mixes and Snackin' Cake). (Incorrect punctuation theirs.)


3. See number 2.
   

I think, when I pick up my two FREE pouches of cookie mix, that I will have to count those chips, too, to see if this is, as they claim, a "mechanical failure" and not the terrorism-funding scheme that I suspect it really is.

We shall see!

Over 350 Chips Inside!

Dear Betty,

Today I purchased two bags of your "Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix" which promised "HOMEMADE Cookies in 20 MINUTES!" That sounded like just the thing, as I knew I wouldn't have a lot of time for baking stuff tonight. (Also: I was planning on taking them to work for treat day, and there's no way I'm putting in more than 20 minutes on those people!) But what really sold me on this cookie mix was the promise of "OVER 350 CHIPS INSIDE!"

Well, after making the first bag, I thought something was amiss. The cookies didn't quite look chocolate-y enough. So I opened up the second bag, and I counted the chips. You won't believe what I discovered, Betty! There were precisely 330 chips in the second bag. Honest! Not 350. Not the promised OVER 350. Just 330. That's only 94.02% of the promised number of chips. (Assuming a minimum "over 350" amount of 351 chips, that is.)

[Big globs are 50 chips each. Small blobs across center are 5 chips each. Total? 330.]

Betty, where are the other 5.98% of the chips? If I take these under-chipped cookies in to treat day, people will scoff at them! Treat day will be ruined! And people will talk about me and my low-chip-count cookies -- in front of my back, even! -- for the rest of my working days.

So, Betty, was I just unlucky to have gotten the one bag of cookie mix that was short on chips? Or was I purposely misled into buying this product, just to make me look the fool? Or is this a more wide-spread plot to defraud the general public of their chips? Or is it possibly something even more sinister?

*gasp!*

Are the extra chips being used to fund terrorism??

Please tell me -- what's going on? How come my chips were short?

Sincerely,
Green Floppy

PS: I hope it's okay that I called you Betty. I've been using your products for so many years, that I feel like I know you on a first-name basis!

C is for cookie!

Cookie, cookie, cookie starts with Cccccccccc!!!!