Ode to a Daffodil: Ode to a Daffodil

I'm about to rip a gaping hole in the space-time continuum and create a never-ending loop by Blog This!ing a post of someone Blog This!ing their own blog.

Because I am just. That. Evile.

Hold onto your hats!

Blog THIS! Ha! Ode to a Daffodil: Ode to a Daffodil

Chap Stick of Doooooooom

Oh. My. Gawd.

I've been wondering why the top of my chapstick stick kept dropping way below the level of the top of the chapstick tube, and now I know:

My chapstick is possessed! Seeeeeeee?

(Click here to load up a big-ish animated gif file so you can see it in action!)

I mean, I knew that Chapstick was EVILE, but when it starts moving on its own, then it's time to call in the priests.

Culling of the herd.

Sometimes, when a thing gets to be too plentiful, and can no longer be supported by its environment, it's time to round up the more inferior in the herd, and give them the heave-ho.

That's right -- you guessed it -- it's time for the annual grocery bag roundup!

Yeeeeeeeeeeee-HAAAAAAAW!



Oh, shoot. I should have taken a picture of the bags before they were sorted. Oh well... just imagine two giant bags hanging from a thing on a door that were so jam packed that they stopped the door from closing properly, and you'll know what the "before" picture would have been. Anyways, this is the pile of bags that were deemed unsuitable for keeping. Look at them all! There's no way anyone could re-use that many bags. And more and more bags come in each week! It's insane, I tells you!

Oh, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking: "But Green Floppy... all of these bags look the same? How did you ever decide which bags to keep and which to toss?" Well, I'll be glad to tell you. No -- I'll do more than that. I'll show you!


See that? That is what we on my planet call a "see thru bag". These are the WORST kind of bag to have around. Any grocery store that uses them -- *cough*Copps*cough* -- should be hauled out to the dog-shooting tree and shot. Like a dog. What were they thinking when they decided on a see thru bag?? Did they think that folks would be so proud of their grocery purchase, that they'd want everyone to see EXACTLY what they bought? Crazy! Please... like I want everyone to know that I'm purchasing a roll of toilet paper and a magazine and nothing else. Sheesh!


This bag? Way. Too. Big. Nobody has a trash can that big. Nobody! A bag like this is completely useless for re-using. Not usable again at all. And I bet that whoever brought this bag home didn't even purchase anything big enough to fill it up. That Fleeting Farm place always puts stuff in these HUGE bags for no good reason. Giant Baggy Jerks.



That bag in the top left is broken (as are very many of the bags around it!). Buh. Ro. Ken. What use do we have for a psychic if she's insane? (Wait, what? Where'd that come from?? (Serenity on DVD -- get it now!)) What I meant to say was: What use does anyone have for a bag what's broken? Do you put all of your broken products in it? Certainly wouldn't want to put anything good in it, because it would just fall out of the holes and stuff. I don't know why a broken bag wouldn't have been immediately thrown out in the first place!


Oh! These bags -- Gasbag's, Pig, Some kind of Market -- are way too flimsy. They are made from a much thinner plastic substance, and would never stand up to holding trash. Also, they're on the smallish side. The openings are slightly more narrow than a regular good bag. Which makes them inferior. Inferior!


Bags with Christmas all over them? Yuk! There's no way I want to see Christmas bags at any time of the year. Including Christmas! And what is THAT? What is that thing on the right??

It's.. it's.. well, it's not a bag, that's for sure. At least, not in the traditional sense. It looks about the size of bag you might could stick a stick of summer sausage into, if you were wont to put summer sausage into a bag. But never, ever, in a hundred and forty-nine years, would anyone EVER be able to make re-use of this "bag" thing. Out with you!

Oooh, my favoritest bag of all time! Look at the nice greenish blue-ish hue they have. They let you carry your groceries home without the entire 'hood gawking at the contents! And then they're the perfect color to blend right in with the trash can. These bags are special! They have been set aside, and will be going on a magical journey down the hall to the Amazing Bathroom Bag Box. Congratulations, greenish blue-ish bags! You're the winners in bag-life's lottery!

And finally, after all of that culling, this is all that's left. One nice little bag of bags. A bag of bags that no longer interferes with the proper closing of the small hall closet door. Yay!

Mechanical failure, my green arse!

Betty finally responded to my letter complaining about her cookie mix pouch and the BALD FACE LIES it told me. Well,actually, it was not Betty heself who answered, but one of her lackeys instead. Anyway, here's what Not Betty wrote:

Dear Green Floppy:

Thank you for contacting General Mills about the problem you had with Betty Crocker cookie mix. As a responsible manufacturer, we strive to produce high quality products. We are sorry your experience did not meet the standards we expect from our products.

Our packaging equipment is designed to ensure that all ingredients are combined in correct proportions. It's possible that a mechanical failure was responsible for the condition you've described. We appreciate that you have taken the time to notify us and will review the information you provided with the product team.

We regret any inconvenience this has caused and hope you will continue to use and enjoy our products.

Sincerely,
Not Betty Crocker

She also included three coupons!

1. $1 off one package of General Mills food product (Big G Cereal products, Betty Crocker Products, Bugles, Chex Mix, Gold Medal Flour, Nature Valley granola and Pop Secret. Not good on twin or triple pack cereals.)


2. FREE one package of Betty Crocker pouch mix. (Includes Betty Crocker pouch mixes, cookie pouch mixes and Snackin' Cake). (Incorrect punctuation theirs.)


3. See number 2.
   

I think, when I pick up my two FREE pouches of cookie mix, that I will have to count those chips, too, to see if this is, as they claim, a "mechanical failure" and not the terrorism-funding scheme that I suspect it really is.

We shall see!